Wednesday, January 26, 2011

So...I won...why am I not happy about it?

Well, I won the pseudo contest for receiving the Academic Excellence Award. Winning is great...right? Why don't I feel great about it?

Here are the quandaries (that's a lovely word is it not?) that might be hindering my pleasure in this win.........

A) Do I really deserve it?
I didn't inflate any details--how could I in a mere 200 words?--and actually left things out, like making it onto the presidents list more than once and making it into the finals for Student Ambassador selection--not that that's much of an accomplishment since I still lost. Lost! And I've made the president's list only twice in three qualifying semesters (does summer qualify? if so, then it would be four). Other people have managed to retain (and will graduate with) a perfectly incredible 4.0 while my B in Biology 112 and F in College Algebra have dropped my average to a much less respectable 3.71.

B) What if I can't bring a guest to the ceremony?
I probably can't bring a guest. My love-bug of a hubby will be border-line crushed by his forced absence from such an event. He's much more excited about it all than I am now that I've had time to wonder why I was chosen.

C) What if it was nothing more than dumb-blind-luck that stole the win on this endevor?
It wouldn't be the first time that the beast had made an absolute fool of me, but it may well be the most painful time. I might arrive at the event and everyone from the other colleges will be positively brilliant, and I without my jesters hat.

I feel perfectly miserable--seriously ready to cry type of misery--about this and can't quite figure out why. Of course, silly as it sounds, I won't turn down the award since it may help me obtain scholarships and whatnots and I can't afford to foot the bill for my education by myself. I just really wish I could be as happy as I feel like I should be about it.

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